Knock Out...whom?

There are two kinds of producers in Bollywood. One, the likes of KJo who remake Hollywood movies & insert hit Hollywood tunes into their movies, but do it with dignity by purchasing rights. Then there are the rest, who simply rip off the concept and/or story and hope to strike it rich back home.

Sanjay Dutt starring Knock Out falls into the latter category, I presume. Borrowed right off Colin Farrel's Phone Booth, Knock Out flatters to deceive not in parts, but almost in full. Phone Booth's concept is Indianized, but the execution falls awfully short of class, glamour & substance.

Irfan Khan plays Bachchu Khan. An investment banker by day, he is also the politician's middleman, by day. His "do number ka dhandha" is to pick & drop money from here to there & earn commission to lead a lavish life. One fine morning he steps into a telephone booth to get instructions on his daily delivery routine. He's about to step out when the phone rings, he picks & is trapped there for the rest of the movie.

It's Sanjay Dutt, an unknown stranger to Bachchu. Thus begins the cat & mouse game. Bachchu is hard pressed to recall why the stranger is black mailing him. He tries to wiggle out his way by offering "dus pethi" (aka Rs. 10 lakhs) to the stranger. Angry old Dutt screams his head off fuming that the sniper rifle he's pointed at Bachchu's head (of course from afar, through the Windows of an adjoining sky scraper) costs 15 pethi. The stranger also knows all about Bachchu's lavishness; that his Rolex was bought at Piccadilly Circus in London (an all cash deal); that his shiny shoe was bought at a Dubai mall; that in spite of being faithfully married (faithful part is for his wife) Bachchu is two-timing and in this manner whatever Bachchu knows about himself the stranger knows them too.

To wiggle out his way, the money factor now increases to fifty pethi, but the stranger still refuses. The stranger also knows that Bachchu now has some several pethi's in the briefcase that he's carrying & that he got this from the Child Welfare Department's (CWD) secretary. Bachchu's bulb lights up & he knows that he is talking to CWD's chief Col. Gill. Fraught with fear & new found respect for the army men, Bachchu tries to wiggle out by singing "Yeh desh hai veer jawaon ka", by praising the Colonel's achievements in Indo-PaK, Indo-China & Kargil wars which the colonel has never fought. None of it works and the laser from the 15 pethi sniper is still trained on his head inside the phone booth.

Col. Gill channels his anger on Bachchu on how he has aided CWD goons & politicians & how they were involved in child trafficking. Bachchu is also made to realize that some long time ago when he had a jolly good time with some lass, it destroyed her life & drove her to suicide. By this time, the media, the police and the public are all around the perimeter of the booth. Its confession time. The colonel asks Bachchu to talk to a reporter, played by Kangana Ranaut in a teeny-weeny one-and-half bit role. But before the confession we ought to have some entertainment & Bachchu dances to the tune of "zara zara touch me touch me". Irfan does this jig so entertainingly that its hard to not break out into a laughter. 

Humiliation complete & confession over, we now have a man with new found respect for all the womenfolk. But Col.Gill's, who is actually not Col. Gill, job ain't over it. We learn that Bachchu is the sidekick of a politician (played by Gulshan Grover) & he has the secret 19 digit code to the politico's Swiss Bank account which is guarding a whooping Rs.32000 crore. Dutt talks to this newly righteous man, trying to convince him to bring back all that money back to India. Between all this we have some more masala thrown in. A good cop handling the case is transferred & killed instantly. A corrupt trigger-happy cop takes over the case. Nancy Drew inspired Kangana tries to involve in hunt on finding who's holding Bachchu to ransom, squabbling politicians who now fear losing their money & an attempt to kill Bachchu in broad daylight in full view of the audience. Phew! so much action for so nothingness of a plot!!!

What could have been a pot boiler, turns into the oft repeated Nationalism & Patriotic jingoism. New leaf turned Bachchu transfers all the 32K crore money into Indian Treasury's bank account. We are also shown a progress bar of the money transfer being done. That was enough for me to smack my forehead, once again but for the last time. The end titles urge use to knock out such corrupt politicians & I chose to knock out this movie from my mind as well.

Somewhere in the plot, Bachchu asks Dutt, who is he working with. Dutt responds "Mein insaanon pe bharosa nahin karta, mere liye technology hi kaafi hai". Someone should have told Mani Shankar, the captain of this titanic, that "plot churaane se kaafi nahin hai, story ko develop bhi karna padta hai".

Guzaarish, if I can make one to SLB

I have never been a fan of Sanjay Leela Bhansali, (who I'll call SLB for short) nor his brand of film making, ok maybe except for Black. Like his hero, @iHrithik, SLB too appears once in a while on the blue-black bollywood sky to showcase his story telling skill set.

And Lo! comes SLB in 2010 sashaying with Guraarish. Knowing who directed the movie, I would never have wanted to watch it. My idea of a movie is not jerking off, tears. I want to relax, enjoy the fun/action/mystery but tragedies are not my cup of tea/coffee/vodka. Nonetheless, Hrithik Roshan if one fine actor-dancer who I admire a lot. Aishwarya was never among the on screen lasses who I liked.  But it was for Hrithik that I wanted to watch this flick.

What intrigued me was how would such a hunk of muscle & fine dancer be curbed & tied to not showcase what he'd got.

We get to know that Ethan Mascarenhas is a magician whose has had plenty of glory days & admiration. He has been Goa's favourite son. Something befell him & turned him into a quadriplegic, ahem thats Med jargon for being paralyzed in both arms & legs. Yes, Ehtan cant feel anything below his neck. Sophia is Ethan's dutiful nurse, nursing him for the past 12 years. She feeds him soup & garlic breadsticks; changes him; brushes him, both teeth & hair; looks beautiful as well and isn't willing to let any discomfort come over Ethan. Practically she runs his household & hasn't taken a single day's leave ever since being recruited despite having no family life & a abusing husband Nevile (Markand Deshpande).

Now being paralyzed even on a small part of the body is tough, but Ethan has fought & lived. He has written a book Learning to Fly which has inspired fellow quadriplegics. He hosts a show on Goa's FM radio which is about zindagi & living it to the fullest. In all, Ethan is happy & spreads the cheer around. His long unfulfilled wish is to see Sophia's long sexy legs & he's confident that when she comes wearing a mini skirt, he'll start walking again.

But is he really happy & cheerful? There's a part of him which wants to ends his life. He asks his unwilling, but helpful Lawyer friend, Devyani (Shernaz Patel) to file a petition in the Goa High Court. His long time Doc Dr. Nayak (@suhelseth in a surprising cast) isn't happy either. Sophia is red-bleary-eyed too because she reads Ethan's decision to him from a Newspaper. Well nobody wants Ethan to do 'Ethanasia'. He chooses to get a Vote on his show from the Goans whether he should end or not. His protege Omar Siddiqui (Aditya Roy Kapoor, who looks as  if a cuckoo built it's nest on his head) doesn't want the Merlin Master to end it all either. Its an over whelming NO but there's an Yes from his erstwhile stunningly beautiful assistant Estella (Monikangana Dutta). She give an affirmative because she knows how much he has gone through.

Mamma Mascarenhas (still charmingly looking Nafisa Ali) doesn't stay with Ethan because he doesn't want her to, isn't among the affirmative lot. But she understand's her boy's pain. Thereby begins the legal quest to change India's justice system to accept the fact that whoever has a right to live dignified, has an equal right to choose to end it as well. 

Hrithik has put in a marvelous performance. His bearded long haired looks doesn't make him any less good looking. He is too talented to not showcase his art even though he neither fights nor dances in this movie. His facial expressions convey the message and his dialogues are crisp as well. His discomfort can be felt when the leaky roof drops one drop at a time onto his forehead when he's sleeping. To my surprise Aishwarya has put in a grand performance in Hrithik's company. Her eyes talk so much more when she doesn't have any lines. She enacts well, moves gracefully & looks good too. Per me, this has been one among her better performances till date. Others in their bits & pieces do their job well. SLB is the music director as well and the music isn't much to write home about. Udi is foot tapping & has Aish dancing as well much to Ethan's amusement. I have a feeling that Hrithik has crooned in the scene of Maama Mascarenha's funeral, oh he has such a wonderful voice & it makes me want to listen more of him.

As with any other SLB movie, the lights are elaborate. But the dark gloom overrides it all. Goan splendor hasn't been showcased & apart from the large looming Mascarenhas villa nothing else is shown. 

There are three scenes overall which struck me. Unable to feel anything neck down, Ethan oohs-aahs sensually when Sophia is massaging his legs & he continues even when she isn't massaging any longer. The leaky rooftop scene showed his true hold over his character. The public prosecutor isn't willing to accept Euthanasia & is arguing against it. Hrithik requests the judge to perform a magic trick & has the prosecutor closed for 60 seconds in a box. Few seconds into it, Rajit Kapoor starts banging & the judge gets panicky and Ethan is like you couldn't be Ethan Mascarenhas for 60 seconds and I was at it for 14 long years.

I don't know what is it with SLB that all his flicks have to tearjerkers. Hum Dil De Chuke was pure Aspirin stuff, Devdas had an alcoholic death, Black has diseases all around & now this. Dear SLB, my sincere Guzaarish is please...please...do something different next time. 

And how does the movie end. Sophia agrees to marry Ethan, agrees to help him end his suffering, Ethan has a grand going away party with his chosen few friends & they merry all night in the last frame. So how did it end? Probably she showed him her long sexy legs & he died of shock!

3 idiots...unlimited fun

Come December 25th of every year, Bollywood looks forward to powerful entertainers from the Mr. Perfectionist, Aamir Khan. 2009 doesn't disappoint either with 3 Idiots. 3i   is a very endearing story of friendship, love, passion & ability of one's self to identify what one is made of.

Said to be based on Chetan Bhagath's book Five Point Someone, 3i follows the book's plot for most of the part. Unlike other book-turned-movies, 3i is a remarkable rendition on celluloid with the story told impeccably, managing to hold the interest till the very end. Trust Aamir Khan to give a mind blowing performance. He may be 40+ in real life, but his transformation to a 20yr old college student is entirely remarkable. Neither his looks, nor his mannerisms betray his real life identity and this works to the movie's greatest advantage.

Aamir "Rancho" Khan, R "Farhan" Madhavan & Sharman "Raju" Joshi become the inseparable hostel mates & class mates in Imperial College of Engineering. The introductory scene of Rancho is hilarious. While the freshers are being ragged & Rancho refuses to get ragged, the senior threatens to piss on Rancho's door. Rancho counters him practically by holding a metal spoon plugged into the power socket & delivers a shock of life. Farhan recollects Humne sirf pada tha ki Salt Water is good conductor of electricity, isne to practical use kiya. 

The college directory, Boman “Viru Sahastra Budhdhi” Irani (fondly known to his students as Virus), is a proud man who has kept the college on top for years together. His mantra life is a race, tum baagoge nahin to kuchal diye jaaoge. He expects only one thing from his pupils, they should excel at whatever they are doing & earn themselves a fat plum job at the campus interviews. Rancho appears on scene to question each of Viru’s rat-race tactics. To prove that learning by rote without really understanding what it means, Rancho plays a hilarious prank on another student Chatur Ramalingam. Chatur is selected to orate the addressing ceremony on the teacher’s day. Rancho modifies Chatur’s Hindi speech with occurrences of chamatkaar with balathkaar and dhan with sthan. What follows is a total laugh riot. This arguably is the best scene of the movie & half of my money's worth was recovered here. Chatur is humiliated & in drunken anger he challenges Rancho to see who will be most successful in life ten years later.

Virus doesn't like his conventional ways to be challenged. Chatur doesn't want to be defeated. Rancho doesn't want to be bothered with any of these. Virus tries to separate the trio but he fails. This is where the movie showcases the true college life, friendship, helping one another, trying to realize one's own potential & finding love as well. Aamir has put in a tremendous performance, while Sharman Joshi excels. Its a pity Sharman doesn't get many roles. Madhavan is good too, but is a bit fat too. Kareena plays Aamir's love interest. While she doesn't have much to do among the boys, she gyrates well, looks gorgeous and puts in a heart warming performance.

Music by Shantanu Moitra is quite good. The song Zoobie Doobie is peppy & foot tapping. Watch Aamir move like Shashi Kapoor in this song. The attention paid to so such small details is amazing. Eccentricities of Virus and the quaint mannerisms is ably enacted by Boman Irani. What a fine find he has been to the industry.

Somewhere along the movie there are echoes similar to Taare Zameen Par; like when Farhan's father chides him when his percentage slid down from 94 to 91; but they do seem inevitable. The gist is that dont try to achieve something because your parent wished you to do it. Learn with passion, learn things so that they can be applied practically & you have got yourself a success mantra to be happy in life. I could easily connect with this thought, because it is the same mundane booky stuff that I too went through in college without actually getting to visualize them in real life.

Rajkumar Hirani's direction is razor sharp. Though there are some things which seem over the top, like Aamir assisting in child birth using a Vacuum Cleaner as the suction cup to pull out the baby, the stress is really on not being a bookie, I mean book worm. This line of thought is superbly collated with other bollywood stuff like comedy, emotions, songs & terrific one liners, that make 3i an absolutely entertaining movie to end the year with.

Ek free advice du, dont miss this movie :)

Blue, gave me blues

The trailers of the movie was inviting to take a dip in its suave cool blue Bahamas waters, savour its story, locales, action; the music is funky, full of beats and smacked of signature AR.Rahman tunes. And add Kylie Minogue to the charm and the producers ensured that I took the fatal bait. I watched the trailer on the idiot box many a times and wanted a dekho at this newest Rs. 80 crore bollywood flick.


The movie opens with the sequence of a shipwreck in 1947 followed by Kabir Bedi's grim face. We get back to the present times where Akshay Kumar (Aarav) & Sanday Dutt (Sagar aka Sethji) chit chatting on their boat about the last night's party where Akshay got to ride two chicks back home. They are fishing for their livelyhood when Aarav's cap gets blown in by the breeze into the blue. It being his favourite cap, Sagar tries to retrieve it and out of the blue swims up a shark bearing its jaws. Net mein hole to jeb mein hole is the mantra and both of them dive in. Aarav tames the shark & drives it away and you are ensured that the movie isnt short of style.


Aarav is the rich businessman who employs the faithful Sagar, who knows the ocean like the back of his hand. They are friendly, but fight a bitter boxing match; they are the employer-employee but share a friendly rapport and all their conversations are steered by Aarav to the Lady in Blue. This is enough to make Sagar's blood boil enough to make a cuppa tea! 


Cut to some glam quotient, and muse if Lara 'Mona' Dutta whose dream is to save the marine life and setup some kinda marine museum in Bahamas. Phew! whatta dream mate, the muse wants to save while the guy is catching fish!!!


Cut once more to east Asia, Bangkok. We get a glimpse of Sagar's chhota bhai Zayed 'Sam/Sameer' Khan who we immediately know is a brat and will get into trouble and its because of him bada bhai has to do the unthinkable. Meanwhile Kat Kaif is added for some more glam quotient. Whatever her role length is, she definitely sizzles. Action follows, Sam races Rahul 'Gulshan'Dev, wins, agrees to do a sleazy job for him, zooms again on his bike, cops chase & the streets of Bangkok see a truck overturn and balls of fire. Yup, Sam doesnt finish the job & enters Bahamas to be under the protective care of bada bhai.


Aarav, Sagar, Mona & Sam have some fun in the islands. In a happening night club, we see a stunningly beautiful Kylie singing & gyrating to chiggy-wiggy. More fun follows to the theme song of Blue. The song is very well shot with cool underwater cam scenes, corals, colourful fishes, hitchhiking a ride on a tortoises's back and adds oodles of panache & style to the movie. But does it add any to the story, hmmmfff!!!


One more bike chase follows which is rather stupid. Who has ever heard of bikes landing on the roof of a moving train, then jumping off in front of the monstrous engine, out running the train and then moving to safety! Its clear by now Sam is in trouble and the troika of boyz need to help Sam & themselves. Needless to say, we know what the second half has in store.


The first half has as much story to tell as the length of Lars's bikini.  Something that could have been said within 10 minutes is stretched to an hour. Though, there is no dearth of style the story falls flat. Second half is equally rubbish. The underwater stunts could have been done much better. The much touted scene where Akshay had to swim underwater while there is an explosion above, appears hardly for a second or two. India's officially first underwater movie managed to pour gallons of cold water over my  expectations of the movie.


Like numerous Akshay's movies, this one too has a very weak story line. Logic has no role to play at all. Imagine calling the coast guard for a may-day help in Bahamas. The climax of the movie is as stupid as in 8x10 Tasveer. First time directory Lawrence D'Souza needs to do his homework. 


The only good thing about the movie is the music and good underwater cinematography. Apparently the makers roped in the same cinematographer as of Pirates of the Caribbean fame and thankfully they got it right. Chiggy-Wiggy, Blue & Fiqurana are foot taping songs.


Lara Dutta is in purely for the glam factor. Sanjay Dutt looks ingloriously unfit. His bulging muscles have moved from his arms down to his stomach. Akshay bares his fit body & his son Aarav's tattoo on his neck. Zayed is just about ok, as ok as he was in Dus or Main Hoon Na. A highly disappointing flick worth giving a complete miss. I would rate it only 2/5, not that my opinion really matters to the Rs.50 crore that the movie has already collected!!!